It’s not an oxymoron: an Uneducated Gifted Kid.

That smart kid is more kid than smart.

Texas will always be my heart’s home. But my body lives in Minneapolis.

Drowning was elegant—everything was the same except now you’re dead.

Like seven of these are basically verbatim.

Mr. Huey was not cool, not even a little bit.

When a dysthymic person has a bout of major depression, it's called double depression. I don’t have any single depression to compare it to.

I cannot stop eating gas station food, despite it being, you know, gas station food.

I would wake up looking a total mess, something like Encino Man, unable to find my clothes, languid and gawking at her.

Didn't include this because she isn't my student, but my daughter's first Yo Momma Joke was "Yo Momma look like a tardigrade."